The thing that stood out for me, whilst I was out and about at events, last week, was that I was repeatedly hijacked!

This is obviously really common and I know you’ll recognise what I mean. I think you’ll have experienced this phenomenon, too ……..often.

It occurs when a person knows something about the topic being discussed. In many instances we see a person asking a question of their prospect and when the prospect starts talking, giving examples known by the person who asked, the networker simply takes the conversation back, Hijack’s it, and continues talking themselves.

For an example…

Networker: “Have you been Rome?”
Prospect: “Oh, yes! I loved that city”
Networker: “Oh me too! When I was last there we went to……. and I ……. and I ….. and we ate…… and we visited…… and we saw ………..” etc. …You get the picture!

My advice, even when you know a lot about the subject being discussed, is to ask a question and to simply use your own knowledge and experience to phrase further interesting questions, which will enable the other person to expand more fully.

If you find yourself talking too much here, and hijacking conversations, think: “STALL” Stop Talking And Listen/Learn …all about your prospect’s interests and experiences

Be interested instead of interesting.

Be on your prospect’s agenda, not your own.

This will yield big dividends.

It’s a small thing…. try it.

Have you been hijacked recently?…

I was out and about in town last night and just had to blog today…

I met a businessman I’d never met before, who simply ‘launched!’

He proudly blustered about how he has little time for ‘small talk’ and just likes to get straight to business…we’ve seen the before (sadly I’m sure we’ll see them again..)

It’s such a brutal approach, and frankly I wonder if many networkers like him, realise what they are doing when out networking?

It’s simply building relationships ….

How much business talk do you think goes on at networking events?

Please get a figure in your head before moving on.

5%?
20%?
40%?
60%?

What do you think?

From what I experience, I’d imagine it’s a low percentage. Anywhere between about 5% and 20%.

That makes the rest of the talk, ‘small talk’.

Though it’s the only phrase we have, I genuinely dislike this label.

When we use the word small, it most commonly indicates something of insignificance. I think it’s this label that inhibits people from understanding the importance of Small Talk.

Small talk is far from insignificant, as I believe you can’t do big business without the small talk.

I mostly find it’s ‘rocket launch’ networkers are the people who usually don’t stop talking themselves and who don’t normally walk away with many, if any, significant new business opportunities. How could they? They’ve built no rapport!They’ve not been listening! They’ve been waiting for their opportunity to speak and sell.

It’s fair to say, particularly in the advice giving sector (as opposed to the transactional sector), that people buy people. My advice to the chap last night, would be to accept that networking is a farming not a hunting process.

In general, most people prefer to do business with people:

• They like
• Who like them
• Who are like them
• Who like the same things as them

…and it’s in the Small Talk that we find out :

• What they’re like
• What they like
• If we like them
• If they’re like us
• And importantly… If they like us

Judging by the stalled conversations and the worries that people share with me about going networking, I believe that most people simply fail to prepare for the Small Talk.
They fail to prepare things to chat about and to ask questions about.

So if we accept how valuable small talk is, in the relationship building process, then surely it certainly warrants some time investment, during the preparation and planning phase for any event, don’t you think?

Here’s my tip.

Have a raft of topics, apart from business, to ask your prospect about. Prepare these in advance. Grab a paper, grab a magazine, listen to a chat show on the radio, in car on the way to the event, but do pop various topics in your pocket, before you arrive

Things like:-

• Hobbies
• Sport
• Interests
• Current affairs
• The day’s news headlines and burning topical issues
• Latest movies
• Or you can even listen for other people’s accents and try “It doesn’t sound like you’re a local, where do you come from originally?”

This will lay the foundation for relationship-building and will create the first link, the initial connectivity, between you and your prospect. It’s from here that anything is possible…. But if you don’t walk through ‘here’ moving forward to new opportunities is most probably impossible

Just this little shift in awareness and preparation can begin to make your networking less stressful and more effective………… it would also make it a more pleasant experience for us all

Try it.

Let me know….

What’s made you SHRUG out there, lately?

A valuable personal skill that seems to be missing at networking events is that of being a good listener.

As in my last post, we know that people often believe it’s the extroverts who make the best networkers. But we’ve already seen that by talking, we’re not listening.

And if we’re not listening, we’re not winning.

They tell us there are 5 Levels of Listening

1) Not at all – most common
2) Pretending – they make several ‘Aha‘ utterances, but are commonly elsewhere
3) Selective – getting only bits of the conversation that spark their interest,then thinking of other matters (what’s happening tomorrow, something they need to do later etc)
4) Attentive – this is usually only done in short 3 to 4 minute bursts & it takes practice
5) I call it Full-Body-Listening. Its using all the NLP awareness skills (watching body language, voice tone,facial movements etc)

Most people seem to be just waiting for their turn to speak. Levels 1 – 3. They’re not listening at all. They’re just framing what they’re going to say next. They’re on their own agenda

My advice is that if you ask a question, then take the time to listen to the answer. If you ask a question, choose to be at level 4 or 5

Another tip is to leave some silence.

Most people are uncomfortable with gaps in conversation. Knowing this is useful. Your prospect will fill the gaps with words, explanations, experiences and problems. The silence will nearly always be filled.

People love talking about themselves, good networkers encourage this and then they listen carefully to what is said (sometimes, even, to what is not said), they listen also for the way things are said; tonality and body language will always give a lot away… but only if you are listening, watching and only if you are consciously engaged and aware !

I’m sure you’ve also found in general conversation that people often give away so much more information than you asked for in the first place.They love to ramble on. It helps to make short notes of what you learn on their business card, at the earliest opportunity, this can be used in your small talk at the opening of your follow-up call, and it builds trust with your prospect – it shows you were listening

So, if you’re listening, there is usually no end of new opportunity to be found.

After all, it’s mostly for new opportunities to do business that we go networking in the first place, isn’t it?

I often hear people telling me they have no problem talking to people or to groups, at events.

In fact many of them, on reflection, do realize that they sometimes talk too much. They think this is funny!

It is also these people, who, when asked: “So, who do you think is the better networker? The extrovert person, who fizz-pops around the room, entertaining others and who doesn’t stop talking, or the more reserved, quieter, more reflective person?” answer ‘it’s obvious; ‘the extrovert’.

Oops! Actually it’s the quieter person.

How can anyone ‘hear’ opportunities, if you’re the one talking?

It’s the difference between being ‘interesting’ or ‘interested’.

When you’re being ‘interesting’ you’re on your own agenda. You’re the one doing all the talking.

When you’re being ‘interested’, you are the one listening.You’re on your prospect’s agenda.

You’re asking questions and letting the other person do most of the talking. It’s here you’ll find out all the information about them, their business, their challenges and problems that you’ll need to either see opportunities for you to help, or for someone you know, to assist them.

So, if you recognize yourself as being the overly chatty one, remember this acronym.

Think “W.A.I.T.”.

Why Am I Talking….

..and simply ask a question of your prospect, at the next available opportunity, and get them talking, instead of you.

There’s plenty of opportunities when you’re out there networking…. are you listening?

I was out on the networking trail the other night and, sadly, I was, yet again, surprised and disappointed to see so many of my fellow guests had simply ‘turned-up’. The fact that they were ill prepared was glaringly obvious.

I’m sure you’ll agree with me that to get the best out of any situation, you need to do at least some pre-planning and preparation.

How would you feel if you went into a meeting or a presentation with one of your largest, key accounts, unprepared? I’m sure you’d feel nervous, stressed-out, sick, self conscious or even out of your depth, wouldn’t you?

Yet for many, this is how they approach their networking! With little, or worse still, no planning or preparation at all

Let’s look at just a few of the problems this may cause them

1. They leave the office late, because they didn’t block off time in their diary. This puts them under emotional pressure at the outset, and this stress simply compounds as other logistical issues raise their heads (Like will there be parking adjacent to the venue? Where am I actually going? Which is the best way to get there? What is the actual start time?)

2. They don’t know if there will be food there; if it’s a meal, a finger buffet, cocktail snacks or simply dry nibbles. I don’t know about you, but I can’t concentrate on my networking if I’m starving hungry, and I certainly don’t want to be consuming crisps and peanuts all night. Knowing this will help you decide whether or not to stop off at a Prét a Porter (or the like), en route.

3. They rarely plan for traffic delays, and therefore arrive later than they would have liked. This puts them under pressure when they walk in to the function room, as groups will have already formed and conversations will already be under-way. This means they are the ones who are forced to break in to groups which is quite a scary activity for those I speak to.

4. Arriving late also reduces the time they have to seek new business opportunities. Remember, most networking events are only 3 hours long. If you take off time for the welcome by the host and the keynote speech, you’ve often already lost an hour, so if you’ve arrived half an hour later than the start time that’s 1 ½ hours already lost, before you start. Add to this those who often escape as early as they can, either immediately after the snacks have been served or once the speaker has finished, and your available pool of guests to chat with has diminished

5. They have no idea who is actually attending the event, either from their own firm or who is on the guest list, so strategically they don’t know with whom they need to be meeting and developing relationships.

It’s all a bit hit-and-miss, isn’t it?

My advice?

Get yourself well prepared the next time you go networking.

You’ll see the difference this will make to the way you feel and the things you come away with.

This will work for you.

Last night I was at a networking event for which I had done my usual preparation. I knew exactly why I was there. My mind was clear and I was alert to new opportunities.

One of the things that struck me was how few other people seemed to be in the same situation.

Moving around the room I met unprepared person after unprepared person. Some were late because they hadn’t researched the parking. One woman didn’t have a clue who the speaker was or what it was all about. Another admitted he didn’t know why he was there and asked what was happening next.

To be honest I felt sorry for them.

They are the people who will leave the event thinking “well that was a waste of three hours”. And unfortunately they have only themselves to blame.

Arriving unprepared at an event puts your mind in a fug. At the very time you want to be coming across at your very best and you are distracted by a haze of trivia. It knocks your confidence. And it compromises your performance

Ensuring you have given consideration to the raft of logistical issues common to every event will reduce your stress levels. It will un-clutter your consciousness and leave your mind clear, with an abundance of spare capacity, to explore the opportunities demanding your attention.

That’ll make it much easier to seize the initiative and come away with a positive outcome, won’t it?

Invariably when people come on my networking courses, it’s with mixed emotions. Yes, they want to network and bring in more business. But 99 percent of them are worried they’re going to have to start being, well, pushy.

I’ve got good news.

If you’re a nice person who doesn’t want to be pushy then that’s a great start to your career as a networker. That’s because networking isn’t about launching into sales mode. It’s about getting people to know you, like you and trust you.

Remember that people like to do business with people they like. The rest can come later…once you’ve built a relationship. If you think about the people you do business with, or whom you recommend to others, it’s probably not the people who foist themselves on you. It’ll be people you like, people you’ve been aware of for a while. People who, when the need arises, you’re pleased to recommend because you like and trust them.

Newsflash: this is how the world works. It’s all networking is.

People love to be in the know and get a huge buzz from recommending “their” people to others. How many times have you heard someone say “I’ve got a fabulous mechanic”? Or, “you’re disappointed with you accountant? I know someone who’s just gone out on his own and he’s a top bloke”.

Those kinds of recommendations are brilliant, but they don’t come as a result of selling yourself hard to strangers. Building up that kind of confidence takes time and multiple encounters.

So next time you’re about to go to a networking event. Or you’re logging onto LinkedIn. Or someone asks you what you do at a party, there’s no need to panic and retreat into your shell. Get your brave up. And concentrate on being yourself and learning more about the people you’re mixing with.

That’s what good networking is all about.

How would feel if you arrived to make the first presentation for a new key-account client without having done any preparation?

Anxious, nervous, self-conscious, exposed?

How would you react to one of your team members if you found out that’s how they’d turned up to their first meeting?

So I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I suggest that to get the best out of any situation you need to do some preparation and planning.

By not making the follow-up call, you will simply never know how much business that client had for you.
You won’t be able to calculate how much business you’ve lost.

Not only how much business you’ve lost from that client, but how much potential business you lost from clients whom that person might have referred you to.

In economics they call it opportunity-cost. By choosing to do one thing, you are prevented from doing something else. There is a cost attached.

Here, by choosing, and it is a decision that you make, not to follow-up, the potential financial loss should be considered.

So if we look back at the last several outcomes of not making the follow-up call; and when you put a value on what you might be losing, then I hope it’ll make you reconsider.

I hope it’ll encourage you to make that call!

Now that’s GREAT for business!

I wish you successful networking

By not making the follow-up call, you put yourself at risk when attending other events.

What happens if you bump into that person again when you are out attending other events?
How are you going to feel when you spot them and remember what you haven’t done?
Are you going to try to pretend you haven’t seen them and try to avoid them all night?
Are you going to pretend you’ve forgotten that you were meant to do something?

…and what are they going to think when they see you?

Long after people have forgotten what you said to them, they never forget how you made them feel

Your credibility will be lost.

That’s bad for business!

By not making the follow-up call, you create a negative multiplier out in the marketplace.

People rarely remember when you do something right, but they never forget when you do something wrong. You’ll be amazed at how many people they’ll tell, when you let them down. For many of us in the ‘advice giving’ sector, referrals from satisfied customers underpin our success. Having a negative commentary circulating within our business community can seriously hurt our business development and our reputation.

Statistics show us that 80% of an SME’s client base is within a 30 mile radius. This can really hurt you.

Also, what if the person you failed to call, ends up talking with one of your satisfied customers at an event and says

‘you see that guy over there? Awfully unreliable! He said he was going to send me…. but just never called. How rude?’

That can plant seeds of doubt in your existing customer’s mind.

That’s bad for business!