A valuable personal skill that seems to be missing at networking events is that of being a good listener.

As in my last post, we know that people often believe it’s the extroverts who make the best networkers. But we’ve already seen that by talking, we’re not listening.

And if we’re not listening, we’re not winning.

They tell us there are 5 Levels of Listening

1) Not at all – most common
2) Pretending – they make several ‘Aha‘ utterances, but are commonly elsewhere
3) Selective – getting only bits of the conversation that spark their interest,then thinking of other matters (what’s happening tomorrow, something they need to do later etc)
4) Attentive – this is usually only done in short 3 to 4 minute bursts & it takes practice
5) I call it Full-Body-Listening. Its using all the NLP awareness skills (watching body language, voice tone,facial movements etc)

Most people seem to be just waiting for their turn to speak. Levels 1 – 3. They’re not listening at all. They’re just framing what they’re going to say next. They’re on their own agenda

My advice is that if you ask a question, then take the time to listen to the answer. If you ask a question, choose to be at level 4 or 5

Another tip is to leave some silence.

Most people are uncomfortable with gaps in conversation. Knowing this is useful. Your prospect will fill the gaps with words, explanations, experiences and problems. The silence will nearly always be filled.

People love talking about themselves, good networkers encourage this and then they listen carefully to what is said (sometimes, even, to what is not said), they listen also for the way things are said; tonality and body language will always give a lot away… but only if you are listening, watching and only if you are consciously engaged and aware !

I’m sure you’ve also found in general conversation that people often give away so much more information than you asked for in the first place.They love to ramble on. It helps to make short notes of what you learn on their business card, at the earliest opportunity, this can be used in your small talk at the opening of your follow-up call, and it builds trust with your prospect – it shows you were listening

So, if you’re listening, there is usually no end of new opportunity to be found.

After all, it’s mostly for new opportunities to do business that we go networking in the first place, isn’t it?

I often hear people telling me they have no problem talking to people or to groups, at events.

In fact many of them, on reflection, do realize that they sometimes talk too much. They think this is funny!

It is also these people, who, when asked: “So, who do you think is the better networker? The extrovert person, who fizz-pops around the room, entertaining others and who doesn’t stop talking, or the more reserved, quieter, more reflective person?” answer ‘it’s obvious; ‘the extrovert’.

Oops! Actually it’s the quieter person.

How can anyone ‘hear’ opportunities, if you’re the one talking?

It’s the difference between being ‘interesting’ or ‘interested’.

When you’re being ‘interesting’ you’re on your own agenda. You’re the one doing all the talking.

When you’re being ‘interested’, you are the one listening.You’re on your prospect’s agenda.

You’re asking questions and letting the other person do most of the talking. It’s here you’ll find out all the information about them, their business, their challenges and problems that you’ll need to either see opportunities for you to help, or for someone you know, to assist them.

So, if you recognize yourself as being the overly chatty one, remember this acronym.

Think “W.A.I.T.”.

Why Am I Talking….

..and simply ask a question of your prospect, at the next available opportunity, and get them talking, instead of you.

There’s plenty of opportunities when you’re out there networking…. are you listening?

I was out on the networking trail the other night and, sadly, I was, yet again, surprised and disappointed to see so many of my fellow guests had simply ‘turned-up’. The fact that they were ill prepared was glaringly obvious.

I’m sure you’ll agree with me that to get the best out of any situation, you need to do at least some pre-planning and preparation.

How would you feel if you went into a meeting or a presentation with one of your largest, key accounts, unprepared? I’m sure you’d feel nervous, stressed-out, sick, self conscious or even out of your depth, wouldn’t you?

Yet for many, this is how they approach their networking! With little, or worse still, no planning or preparation at all

Let’s look at just a few of the problems this may cause them

1. They leave the office late, because they didn’t block off time in their diary. This puts them under emotional pressure at the outset, and this stress simply compounds as other logistical issues raise their heads (Like will there be parking adjacent to the venue? Where am I actually going? Which is the best way to get there? What is the actual start time?)

2. They don’t know if there will be food there; if it’s a meal, a finger buffet, cocktail snacks or simply dry nibbles. I don’t know about you, but I can’t concentrate on my networking if I’m starving hungry, and I certainly don’t want to be consuming crisps and peanuts all night. Knowing this will help you decide whether or not to stop off at a Prét a Porter (or the like), en route.

3. They rarely plan for traffic delays, and therefore arrive later than they would have liked. This puts them under pressure when they walk in to the function room, as groups will have already formed and conversations will already be under-way. This means they are the ones who are forced to break in to groups which is quite a scary activity for those I speak to.

4. Arriving late also reduces the time they have to seek new business opportunities. Remember, most networking events are only 3 hours long. If you take off time for the welcome by the host and the keynote speech, you’ve often already lost an hour, so if you’ve arrived half an hour later than the start time that’s 1 ½ hours already lost, before you start. Add to this those who often escape as early as they can, either immediately after the snacks have been served or once the speaker has finished, and your available pool of guests to chat with has diminished

5. They have no idea who is actually attending the event, either from their own firm or who is on the guest list, so strategically they don’t know with whom they need to be meeting and developing relationships.

It’s all a bit hit-and-miss, isn’t it?

My advice?

Get yourself well prepared the next time you go networking.

You’ll see the difference this will make to the way you feel and the things you come away with.

This will work for you.

Last night I was at a networking event for which I had done my usual preparation. I knew exactly why I was there. My mind was clear and I was alert to new opportunities.

One of the things that struck me was how few other people seemed to be in the same situation.

Moving around the room I met unprepared person after unprepared person. Some were late because they hadn’t researched the parking. One woman didn’t have a clue who the speaker was or what it was all about. Another admitted he didn’t know why he was there and asked what was happening next.

To be honest I felt sorry for them.

They are the people who will leave the event thinking “well that was a waste of three hours”. And unfortunately they have only themselves to blame.

Arriving unprepared at an event puts your mind in a fug. At the very time you want to be coming across at your very best and you are distracted by a haze of trivia. It knocks your confidence. And it compromises your performance

Ensuring you have given consideration to the raft of logistical issues common to every event will reduce your stress levels. It will un-clutter your consciousness and leave your mind clear, with an abundance of spare capacity, to explore the opportunities demanding your attention.

That’ll make it much easier to seize the initiative and come away with a positive outcome, won’t it?

Invariably when people come on my networking courses, it’s with mixed emotions. Yes, they want to network and bring in more business. But 99 percent of them are worried they’re going to have to start being, well, pushy.

I’ve got good news.

If you’re a nice person who doesn’t want to be pushy then that’s a great start to your career as a networker. That’s because networking isn’t about launching into sales mode. It’s about getting people to know you, like you and trust you.

Remember that people like to do business with people they like. The rest can come later…once you’ve built a relationship. If you think about the people you do business with, or whom you recommend to others, it’s probably not the people who foist themselves on you. It’ll be people you like, people you’ve been aware of for a while. People who, when the need arises, you’re pleased to recommend because you like and trust them.

Newsflash: this is how the world works. It’s all networking is.

People love to be in the know and get a huge buzz from recommending “their” people to others. How many times have you heard someone say “I’ve got a fabulous mechanic”? Or, “you’re disappointed with you accountant? I know someone who’s just gone out on his own and he’s a top bloke”.

Those kinds of recommendations are brilliant, but they don’t come as a result of selling yourself hard to strangers. Building up that kind of confidence takes time and multiple encounters.

So next time you’re about to go to a networking event. Or you’re logging onto LinkedIn. Or someone asks you what you do at a party, there’s no need to panic and retreat into your shell. Get your brave up. And concentrate on being yourself and learning more about the people you’re mixing with.

That’s what good networking is all about.

How would feel if you arrived to make the first presentation for a new key-account client without having done any preparation?

Anxious, nervous, self-conscious, exposed?

How would you react to one of your team members if you found out that’s how they’d turned up to their first meeting?

So I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I suggest that to get the best out of any situation you need to do some preparation and planning.

By not making the follow-up call, you will simply never know how much business that client had for you.
You won’t be able to calculate how much business you’ve lost.

Not only how much business you’ve lost from that client, but how much potential business you lost from clients whom that person might have referred you to.

In economics they call it opportunity-cost. By choosing to do one thing, you are prevented from doing something else. There is a cost attached.

Here, by choosing, and it is a decision that you make, not to follow-up, the potential financial loss should be considered.

So if we look back at the last several outcomes of not making the follow-up call; and when you put a value on what you might be losing, then I hope it’ll make you reconsider.

I hope it’ll encourage you to make that call!

Now that’s GREAT for business!

I wish you successful networking

By not making the follow-up call, you put yourself at risk when attending other events.

What happens if you bump into that person again when you are out attending other events?
How are you going to feel when you spot them and remember what you haven’t done?
Are you going to try to pretend you haven’t seen them and try to avoid them all night?
Are you going to pretend you’ve forgotten that you were meant to do something?

…and what are they going to think when they see you?

Long after people have forgotten what you said to them, they never forget how you made them feel

Your credibility will be lost.

That’s bad for business!

By not making the follow-up call, you create a negative multiplier out in the marketplace.

People rarely remember when you do something right, but they never forget when you do something wrong. You’ll be amazed at how many people they’ll tell, when you let them down. For many of us in the ‘advice giving’ sector, referrals from satisfied customers underpin our success. Having a negative commentary circulating within our business community can seriously hurt our business development and our reputation.

Statistics show us that 80% of an SME’s client base is within a 30 mile radius. This can really hurt you.

Also, what if the person you failed to call, ends up talking with one of your satisfied customers at an event and says

‘you see that guy over there? Awfully unreliable! He said he was going to send me…. but just never called. How rude?’

That can plant seeds of doubt in your existing customer’s mind.

That’s bad for business!

By not making the follow-up call, you tarnish your personal reputation and the reputation of your company. You are an Ambassador for your brand when you network.

If it’s the first time someone has met you, or a representative of your company, then everything you say, how you say it, how you act, how you react and everything you do, sets their perception. We try so hard to create a positive first impression that it’s criminal to let yourself down at the first turn. Both yourself and your company will be judged on your behaviour. Don’t ruin it by your actions… or lack of them

That’s bad for business!

By not following-up, you show yourself to be unreliable and untrustworthy.

If, as most networkers accept, relationships are built on a foundation of Knowing, Liking and Trusting, then we fundamentally undermine the ‘like’ and the ‘trust’ by failing to call.

All that happens is that your prospect thinks you are unreliable.

They’ll think:

‘If that’s how reliable you are at the very start of a relationship, how bad might you turn out to be when I become a client ?’

They’ll also think you are untrustworthy:

‘He/she said he would call/send me some information on…/facilitate a meeting with…/introduce me to…’

It’s rude. They’ll think you don’t want their business and …

That’s bad for business!